As I have explained before, My Boy Justin met Roxie in South America 18 months ago. She lives in Madison Wi, making the relationship difficult, but Skype, email, a trip over here, a trip over there, have helped them to maintain their relationship, in spite of them both starting Uni courses, prime time for casual relationships. Justin's latest trip over was going swimmingly (planned trip to the Grand Canyon, a bit of casual work to raise some dollars etc) until Roxie was in a car smash, which left her in close to a coma (brain injury scale 15-1 where 3 is coma, 1 is brain dead, she scored 4).
Having been at the hospital all day every day for 4 weeks, living temporarily with her parents for closeness, and being promised a paid-for return trip in the near future by her dad, and nursing her back to finger lifting, eye opening, speaking, going home for an hour or two, near recovery, he has done well for a 20 year old. I spoke to her. They seemed to be doing great.
Then her parents tell him to leave. Not just leave but to not be there.
He cant understand it, but the doctors and parents insist. He thinks it is a break them up manoeuvre
One angry and frustrated boy, especially when he gets dumped in a youth hostel to await his homebound flight and told hospital security will pay him some attention if he goes back. Phone calls at midnight (6hrs time difference), spitting feathers. But I think, he does understand, in spite of the wild words.
Roxie's dad called me (I called him "sweetheart" until I learnt that not all US calls are from Justin), to try to explain. I thought he was wise and brave to do this (after all it is his daughter who is laid up with brain damage) She needs parts of her brain to rest, and Justin's bit is done. Mark (Roxie's dad) knew Justin as part of his "adoptive" family (his words). They need him out of the way to let Roxie's head recover (says a psychiatrist). Sounds reasonable, but tell that to a Boy in Love. I think they were clumsy, and Jus hasnt explained himself well to me.
Mark is quite OK about their relationship when Rox is better ("They are on their own then")
Now I have an angry young man, home tomorrow, to deal with. But I am going to give him a big cuddle. And promise him he can go back.
12 comments:
What absolute shit, he must be very confused, and you're going to have a hard time trying to explain.
I don't envy you, good luck.
Boys of that age (1 to 50+) aren't always the most intuitive. Have they sat quietly with him and explained it through? That's it's nothing personal, that he's been a hero and unbelievably supportive, but that the next stage of Roxie's recovery needs fewer outside input? That way he won't feel the terrible anger of rejection that is otherwise guaranteed.
Of course I meant 'less' outside input, not fewer. Tchoh!
Double decent of Mark to call you.
It must have been a difficult thing for him to do on top of giving J his marching orders.
The whole situation, from prang to heartrending homecoming, is and will continue to be a bloody awful nightmare for everyone concerned.
Thank you for explaining where Roxie's folks are coming from because I didn't get it before.
I wish her a successful recovery and Justin peace of mind. You are, quite rightly, very proud of him and please pass on my very best regards to him when he is safe home.
Thinking of all of you, mate.
Blimey - a right difficult situation. Sounds like you've got a grip on it - all the best to everyone.
I don't imagine that the parents are thinking very clearly themselves at the moment.
I can't see that Justin coming home will help Roxie. I'd have thought that he could only do her good if they're that close.
Still, if it's on doctors' orders, then maybe it's for the best.
Hmm... inclined to agree with Trouty here. Although I suppose it's easy to say that from an outside perspective. I can't see how having one less person who loves her around can be a help if they're acknowledging that he's helped her get this far... but it must be an awful situation for her parents and I guess they'll do anything to get her well again.
Still. Poor Justin. I hope he's okay. Many hugs required, eh?
What a crisis. Poor boy. Really, it's whatever is best for Roxie at the end of the day. I know it's not funny, but a lot of French films have similar storylines to this.
All that I wanted to say, has been said already….that’s quite a tough situation you got on your hands. Good luck and take care. All the best!
I also think Trouty's said it best, but my heart goes out to Justin. Hugs to you all xx
From Roxie's parents point of view, they'll do whatever the doctors say to help her get better. They could indeed have put it better to Justin. Mike could've taken Jus out for a beer and a mano-a-mano chat but still, no-one's perfect. One day Jus will understand. I also think the doc is an idiot for stating that Jus has to 'go away', but idiot or no I can clearly see why Roxie's parents followed his advice.
Blimey, at 20 I would have had the exact same reaction without the benefit of the kindly chat.
I can see this, Andy: you're one helluva Dad and I know you're so proud of your son. Good on yer both.
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