The Future of Shopping

I was walking back from the supermarket, having done the shopping, on my own with my fabulous sustainable shopping trolley

when I overheard two young ladies at the cashpoint talking
"I suppose I'll have to carry the blimming granny trolley!"
The other said "Look! He's got one!"
Now, to me, that says, one, I am not a granny; two, I must be an example to younger people; and three, I look fit.

So wahey, the future of shopping trollies is secure, being passed to the younger generation.

Small Town

At the Greengrocers
"Have you got any Christmas trees, Sheila?"
"When do you want one?"
"Now?"
"How about we drop one round tomorrow? What size?"
*demonstrates with hand gesture
"About 3 feet?"
"Fine. How much?"
"Dont know yet. Remind me of the number."
"11. Can you make it late?"
"Of course, tomorrow after we close up."
*Goes home to excitedly retrieve deccies from the cellar.
I was just giving up hope, thus spoiling my fairytale illusion of happy greengrocery Christmas gnomes, merrily delivering Christmas Trees. when she turned up at half past seven. And charged me a stupidly small price. Happy days!

The Pink Tide

All over South America, people are electing leftist governments. A continent that has a history of rule by tiny elites is finally discovering democracy, from Uruguay to Venezuela. The effect is seen amongst the poor who are finally getting the health and education they deserve (mostly on the Cuban model). Now is the time to reject the neo-con/capitalist system and take back power for the people. Community power is the way forward. Such a shame our bankers are allowed to steal our money, and that Obama has missed this opportunity to give Merkinland the moral advantage to ally the US with the progressive majority. Even our own government is beginning to recognise that banking control of our country has gone too far.
No pasaran!

And Still It Goes On....

"Daily Mail...blah blah blah. In the Sun today blah blah blah. The Sun are really clever, you know, blah blah blah.
[*Plays music, starts talking again after 10 seconds]
"Dear Bunty
You know you were talking about Budgie-sexing last week? Well. my budgie Kevin really likes sandpaper
SWs to you"

"Here's another one" [record still playing]
"Dear Sarah
I love how you always use the words "chesticles" and "lady bumps,
love the show"
*[puts more music on with 25 sewconds until the news. Starts talking immediately]
"Before I hand over to Terry (he's in by the way) here's something I must share with you. It's from dear old Adelaide in Much Meddling on the Marsh again.
Dear Bunty, she says, You know how you always say how you'd like to shag the entire British Army? Well my old Stan, he passed away 10 years ago, but I am sure he would like to be at the front of the queue".
"And just before we go, here's a gratuitous insult to the newsreader who can't answer back: "Deddly you're fat"
"And finally, I was in Newmarket the other day with the Dearly Beloved, and we bumped in Lord Peter Namedrop Namedrop. Oh how we laughed.
We'll regroup tomorrow, (because I'm a World War Two Fighter Pilot), if spared.
BBC Radio 2, On line, on digital and on 88 to 91 FM
[*Music screeches to a halt]

Hobbit

For some time, I have been catching my foot on paving slabs, trains, invisible things, sometimes leading to serious injury


I have recently discovered, during a boring meeting, that my left foot isn't as manoueverable as my right, so nowadays I walk with a permanent limp (bonk, plap, bonk, plap)
I cannot work my left ankle in the same way as my right
According to Scientific American (est 1845), the "Hobbit" Homo Floresiensis, discovered in Flores, Indonesia "would have had to use a high stepping gait to avoid dragging their toes on the ground". Well that must be me, although I am neither short nor have hairy feet.

Idiot

On our usual shopping morning, after the library and the church Christmas fair (and raffle) Mellie discovered a new art gallery, where she purchased £50 or more of jewellery for Christmas. I helpfully put the little bag in a larger bag in the shopping trolley (she has got used to the trolley now, it has Guggenheim type flowers on (ie not Old Lady Tartan) and has become a vital aid in helping us not drive 200 yards into town). When we got to the greengrocers, I got the bags out, sorted one for the veg, and got on with choosing what we needed. The trolley was left outside the shop. Later we went to Smiths, (trolley left outside)and then the Co-op. As we got to the checkout, it appeared we had no more shopping bags, which was odd, as one of them should have contained the bag with the jewellery.
Panic ensued, including tears and blame. (Mellie's Facebook comment would have included "I hope you enjoyed my Christmas presents, you thieving chav bastard" this was one of her first thoughts: oh the wonders of Modern Life). I hastily went back to town, and at the greengrocers were the missing bags, including the jewellery, on full view on the outside fruit and veg display. Obviously I had left them there and got distracted. Returning to the Co-op, the tears were in full flow, but hastily halted. Nor was I suitably chastised for being an idiot, such is Mellie's loveliness.

Later, while I was cooking veggie bacon for my lunch, the phone rang, I got it, against my better judgement, but it turned out Mel had won the church raffle (A Christmas Pud). In the meantime, the veggie bacon caught alight and was flaring up a good'un.

Just proves it is made of cardboard.

Space Race

	Bill Dana as Jose Jimenez - The Astronaut .mp3
	Found at bee mp3 search engine