Been Here Too Long

I received this the other day. Far too many apply to me.
"If many of the following apply to you, then you're probably from Devon......

you've bought stationery at Trago Mills *No, TM is a pile of cheap nasty, europhobic crap...
you think Exeter's a big city *yep...
you can tell sheep from goats *yep...
you know why to avoid Totnes (and Brixham) *oh yes...
you think London's 'up north' *it is...
you know someone who knows someone who knows someone who knows Joss Stone *yep...
the smell of cow shit makes you feel at home *sort of...
everywhere else in the UK feels cold *most certainly...
you have a friend who lives on a farm *yep...
you live on a farm *dont be silly...
you learnt to drive in a field or on a beach *Didnt live in Devon then...
you live in a cottage *no ...
your home has a thatched roof *if only...
you've been stuck behind a stupid tourist on a country lane *oh yes...
you saw the total eclipse in '99 *of course, and I had my camera stolen after...
your local newspaper's lead story is 'cow falls off bridge' *"Firemen in pig slurry horror" in my case...
you turned to drink, drugs or heavy metal at an early age *ahem...
you know the best sledging to be had is at Haytor *it is...
your friends say you sound like a farmer *"where's that too, then?"...
you have nothing to do after 5:30pm *whatever...
you think pink wellies are a fashion statement * no comment...
you've boiled / frozen / been washed away during Ten Tors *I know it happens...
you know how to walk over a cattle grid *of course, but easier in the Beemer...
you want to know who came up with 'take moor care' *Bastards...
you know all about 'letterboxing' (but wish you didn't) *Oh come on...
you watch 'Spotlight' (and know Teresa Driscoll, Justin Leigh, Russel Labey, Craig Rich and the gang ) *Been "on" Spotlight...
you've been pony trekking *uh huh... '
short and choppy on the North coast' makes total sense to you *It's chilly up Bideford...
you think nothing of grass growing in the middle of the road *Which it does...
your town is 'the gem of south Devon' or 'the English Riviera' despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary *Thats what the signs say...
you think a barn dance is a wild night out * Went to one once...
until you went on holiday, the tallest building you had ever seen was Debenhams in Exeter *It IS...
you've reversed for 3 miles when you met a stubborn tourist on a country lane* *mutter...
it takes you 4 times longer to drive anywhere between May and September * ditto...
you carry an umbrella everywhere even when it's 35 degrees (because it WILL start to hail randomly) *" It does
Labels: Devon
posted by Lord Hutton @ 3:22 PM 2 comments links to this post