How I Helped Save the Banking System

Scene: Lloyds Bank
Me: "Here, lowly banking clerk, is a cheque for £XXX,XXX. It is what I hold in trust from my Great Grandmother's estate, since Dad moved on to better things, for the benefit of her only surviving daughter, aged 98 (and blind and deaf), and by default me and my sisters and cousins. Use it to keep your hollowed-out shell of a bank, which thanks to Gordon Brown, I own, on it's feet for a few more seconds"
Clerk: " I need to call the manager to deposit this amount, Oh Saviour of my Bank"
Bank Manager: (putting mobile phone on pause for 30 seconds) "Oh great Lord, please accept my thanks for saving my bank and my job for another few seconds. Thank you, sir, thank you" (touches forehead to desk).
Me: "Get on with it, fool. You can only have it until I give to the Great Accountant (he of My Mother's Acquaintance) so he can salt it away in Icelandic Bonds (not), ready for me to consume at my will, once I have adjusted my Great Aunt's will and forcibly obtained her signature"
I insisted on the Special Golden Stamp on the receipt stub of my cheque book.
Being honest is sometimes a great burden but my sisters and cousins will get their share (adjusted for expenses)eventually.
And the other lesson for the Bank, which I will convey to them at my "banking review" this week, is that if I can lend to them, they can jolly well lend to me. That'll sort it all out. I hope you agree.