When you get to a certain age, and you start to lose friends and parents, and watch loved ones die, like your dad pumped full of morphine just to die in front of you, you get to a point where you start to see your own mortality. And when you realise that it is really easy to just think "bugger, what's the purpose of life?". I am more than halfway and it is all going to end sometime, and it isn't me that will make a lasting contribution to human life, or be remembered for my outstanding contribution with a street or a bridge named after me. It is then you think what is the point? And we will all die soon, anyway.
I am getting all too familiar with various crematoria (Norwich, Leicester, Worthing, Wycombe, Torquay).
Religion is no help, not even football.
Then you operate on two levels: day to day, where you smile and co-operate and get on with things, and do your job and plan for the future; and the other level, where you despair, in an agony of loneliness. Human beings are cursed with the gift of self-awareness (excepting my noisy neighbours, and those people gobbing off on the station tonight, including the person wearing the fleece with the picture on it))
6 comments:
Done that, seen that, been there...it's a particularly nasty false state...you don't want to go there (believe me)...
Loads of us have problems of one kind or another...soluble (like yours) or not (like mine) they're not worth sacrifice...
Contact me...
I can't put it into words like you can.
I had similar thoughts and decided on the following actions:
Don't live life waiting for joy to come, go and get it yourself.
Don't make every decision or action based on other peoples feelings.
Rosie and I have between us an 89 year old, a 73 year old and a 99 year old and we talked our plans over with them before deciding to leave. They all gave us their blessings. We have lodged a suitcase at my ex-wifes with our funeral clothes in it just in case we need to fly home, but we will still pray that we do not need them for a good length of time.
As for football, winning the local derby against Sheff Utd one week and being panned by Birmingham 3-1 the next and dropping about ten places in the league seems to me to be about the same emotional and psychological level as religion.
Love and peace
Mermy and Rosie
*hugs Hutters. I'm still too young to know about most of this. I've been very lucky so far to only have to dal with the loss of one Grandpa, when I was too young to really understand.
Good luck in finding the joy in life, Mermy is right, we can't sit and wait for it.
Love to you both xx
Aye, it's terrible and inevitable. The only way I've found to deal with it is to say to oneself "fuck it. it's going to happen at some point anyway so I may as well have fun before it does!". Bit like sticking ones fingers in ones ears and going "tra-la-la-la-la-I-can't-hear-you" but it does keep the black dog at bay.
It's no wonder religion is still so popular.
Your feelings are my feelings. The death of the first parent is the usually the trigger for the realisation that you too are mortal, and it's very frightening. There's no glib response or easy way out - we just have to face it and deal with it in our own way.
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