I have been at mum and dad's for 5 days now. All the big jobs are done, now it is the daily grind of washing, drying, and Dadcare. The situation has become increasingly worse. Dad has been getting vaguer and more confused, (too confused even to go through some vital paperwork concerning his own mum and dad's estate, which he has been saving up but hadnt anticipated this total lack of control) although he has been off the painkillers, which are morphine based and make him worse. He needs his pad changing every hour, and when he has a sleeping tablet, that means getting him to the toilet while he is asleep, which my mum physically cannot manage. So no sleep for me and mum. He takes it so well, despite the indignity and general unpleasantness. I never thought I would see or do nappy changing for a 4th generation of my own family.
Mum has been trying to arrange for the District nurse so send someone round at night to help out but they seem reluctant, even though dad is being dealt with by the "palliative care" people. I need to decide whether I need another week off work because there is no way mum can cope on her own, and my sisters are in a similar situation. Mum is not going to let him out of her sight or let him be taken into hospital, because the inevitable result will be him being drugged up, and then she will have lost him.
Doctor came round this afternoon, diagnosed high blood pressure and high blood glucose (apparently "25" is high and it was higher when he got to hospital: he would have been in a coma by tonight), which is a problem with dad's diabetes. We had been completely blind-sided. Diabetes, not the cancer or the drugs. He looked like he had days to live, but maybe we were all too quick in thinking the worst.
Within 5 minutes, paramedics turn up, blue light flashing. Ten minutes later, the ambulance, and the house is full of jolly men in green.
Mum is relieved that at last he is getting the support and attention she and dad needed, dad is happy because he has hated being like this, and M and I are relieved because we have got them out the house and can tidy up. This place almost feels like home now. Perhaps I'll change the locks....
5 comments:
A dreadful situation for all involved. :( Have you contacted the MacMillan organisation? A friend who's just lost her husband said that they were the best of all.
But why the hell does it take a crisis and a 999 call to GET the help and support? This is all too like the Mum nightmare last year when I was trying to nurse her at home. {{hugs}} to you and yours Hutters, hope the situation improves soon. xx
Jenny
When Jenny wne t through this I had a huge amount of respect for her and Chris, and now the same goes for you and your family Hutters. Your mum is amazing, but you all are. Hope your Dad starts to regain his spark soon. I'd deffiantly recomend MacMillian, they seem to do wonders. xxxxx
It was the same story for my mum. Now my dad is in a Nursing home where for 700 pounds a week he is ignored and left alone to slump further and further down in his chair until my mum, who visits everyday, calls for help and they lift him back into his chair.
Sod that, Jane. Sod sod sod that. Fuck. So sorry. 4 weeks ago my dad was ratioanl and intelligent. He still is, but is being started to be treated like he is a clueless old duffer. Mum is determined to have him at home. And quite right
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