Lurgy

"I remember going to the British Museum one day to read up the treatment
for some slight ailment of which I had a touch - hay fever, I fancy it
was. I got down the book, and read all I came to read; and then, in an
unthinking moment, I idly turned the leaves, and began to indolently
study diseases, generally. I forget which was the first distemper I
plunged into - some fearful, devastating scourge, I know - and, before I
had glanced half down the list of "premonitory symptoms," it was borne in
upon me that I had fairly got it.

I sat for awhile, frozen with horror; and then, in the listlessness of
despair, I again turned over the pages. I came to typhoid fever - read
the symptoms - discovered that I had typhoid fever, must have had it for
months without knowing it - wondered what else I had got; turned up St.
Vitus's Dance - found, as I expected, that I had that too, - began to get
interested in my case, and determined to sift it to the bottom, and so
started alphabetically - read up ague, and learnt that I was sickening
for it, and that the acute stage would commence in about another
fortnight. Bright's disease, I was relieved to find, I had only in a
modified form, and, so far as that was concerned, I might live for years.
Cholera I had, with severe complications; and diphtheria I seemed to have
been born with. I plodded conscientiously through the twenty-six
letters, and the only malady I could conclude I had not got was
housemaid's knee...."

And thanks to the internet:

Diseases common in South America
(yes) = symptom present
Hepatitis A: Symptoms

Early symptoms of hepatitis A infection can be mistaken for influenza, but some sufferers, especially children, exhibit no symptoms at all. Symptoms typically appear 2 to 6 weeks, (the incubation period ), after the initial infection.

Symptoms can return over the following 6-9 months which include:

* Fatigue (yes)
* Fever (no)
* Abdominal pain (yes)
* Nausea (yes)
* Diarrhea (yes)
* Appetite loss (yes)
* Depression (yes)
* Jaundice, a yellowing of the skin or whites of the eyes (Not yet, still checking)
* Sharp pains in the right-upper quadrant of the abdomen (Something evil happening in my shoulder)
* Weight loss (none to lose)
* Itching (like you wouldnt believe, mosquito bites and elsewhere)


Malaria: Symptoms

flu-like illness with fever (No temperature)
chills, (No)
muscle aches (yes)
headache (yes)
nausea (yes)
vomiting (yes)
cough (yes)
diarrhea (yes)
Cycles of chills, fever, and sweating that repeat every one, two, or three days
are typical. There can sometimes be vomiting, diarrhea, coughing (uh huh), and yellowing (jaundice) (Not yet).

Swine Flu: symptoms

* sudden fever, (No)
* sudden cough. (No)

Other symptoms may include:

* headache, (yes)
* tiredness, (yes)
* chills, (No)
* aching muscles (yes)
* limb or joint pain (No)
* diarrhoea or stomach upset (yes)
* sore throat (yes)
* runny nose (yes)
* sneezing (yes)
* loss of appetite (yes)

Man Flu: symptoms

All of the above.

Perhaps I'll get a blood test.

[Credits: Wikipedia, NHS etc Jerome K Jerome]